Billy Keels  0:01  

This painful event changed my identity forever. Today's episode is sponsored by Billy Keels advisory services. If you want to learn more about how to make your 99 optional, just go to make it optional.com. Once again, that's make it optional.com.

Speaker 1  0:19  

Helping you build freedom without losing your edge. This is the going long podcast with Billy Keels.

Billy Keels  0:32  

This painful event changed my identity forever. Is the episode for you, the very brief episode for you, if you've ever struggled with wanting to be in two different places at one time, if you are the identity that you have for your corporate life is sometimes overtaking your personal life, your personal life is sometimes overtaking your corporate life. These types of things, I have to share a story with you, because there was a very specific event in my life that had that helped me to crystallize and clarify so many different things, and most importantly, it changed my identity forever, and it's something that I've talked about a couple of times. If you're if you're new to the going long podcast, gonna share something with you that a long time ago I was really ashamed to share, and I didn't want to talk about it. And the moment that I talked about it, I realized that I wasn't the only one that was suffering from this struggle that I was having with my own identity. And what I mean that by that is getting confused at times and in terms of really, what is the identity, what were the values, what were the things that I was truly standing for and wanted to be very, very intentional with. And so I'll take you back to 2012 October, 2012 and I'm actually leaving my home. I'm waking up super early one morning. I'm waking up my children waking up their mom, because it was my oldest third birthday party, and so I was my oldest third birthday, and so I wanted to make sure I had a chance to wake up and give do the Happy birthday to you kind of thing. And and then I left, I left the flat, and I remember leaving the flag going on the elevator, and something in my heart, literally, like sank as the elevator was going down. It was almost ironic, because I was not feel I started to not feel well, physically, not well in the taxi ride. Heads kind of spinning, and I remember taking off from Barcelona airport up into the air. And literally, my heart was sinking as the plane was taking off. My heart was sinking more and more because I realized that I was on my way to attend a an executive business meeting in Germany, and when the plane landed, I just realized, like, this is I couldn't explain it, but I felt it inside of my body that it was like it was the it was not the right decision for me at the same time, it was the right decision for my life, because something clicked, something changed. And so today I want to talk about the, I guess, the hardest thing that most high achievers have difficulty admitting, and it's, it's the thing that's actually costing it's costing you the most. Maybe talk a little bit about, I know I mentioned the other day I had a conversation with the ex colleague, and it made me think about a number of things. If you if you haven't listened to that's episode 619 I mean, I'm still in this, like, reflective state, so I want to think a little bit about that. But, you know, as this, I'm at this point in my career, two kids, very young, three in one barely and, you know, rising the corporate ladder like that was the thing being able to provide for my family. I come from a house that a household with parents who did the best that they could and financially were seemed to constantly be struggling. And I grew up thinking that is, if I didn't have to struggle financially, then I wouldn't have any problems, right? No, no, if you have the money, then you don't have any problems. There's a whole different series I could do on that when you have money, you just have different problems. It's not that you don't have problems, but I wanted to be at a point where I was continuing to make more money. I wanted to also have more control over my time. But ultimately, what I wanted to be able to do is I didn't want to continue have to do the dance at my job to prove my worth. I wanted to be in a position where I knew that I could have more control over my time in this, really, this day in this late October 2012 was something that completely changed my life, because I realized that I had been running so much, and I had been doing so many things and wanting to prove to everybody that I was worth it right, that I could provide for my family, that I could be a top executive, that I could help other people and team members grow and, you know, meet double digit growth. Both targets, and be able to fly back and forth between the US and Europe and and be able to do all of these things. And being a father was one of the things that I was, and is the most important role that I ever had in my life, and being present, because that was something that my parents were able to do when they when they could. It was, you know, the presence, having them physically present, and doing things with this. It was such an important part of me being a father. And why I'm sharing this with you, is on that day in October 2012 although I did get to see my son and have time with him early in the morning, the event that I really was important to me, I was missing, and I was missing that event because I chose, and this is the part that is, you know, and it's in, it's hard to to understand or to hear, if you're going through it right now, like now I'm on the other side of it, I understand that was something that had to happen for me, because It helped to shift. It helped to change my identity forever. Because missing that birthday party with my kids and all of the family members and not being able to be there, or, more importantly, having chosen to be at a business meeting, it was something that just completely, like it moved everything inside of my my body. And I realized that, like, my heart was not in where it wanted to be at that moment in time. And it took such a drastic shift to realize, like, while everybody else was hanging around and there with my son in his third birthday party. And of course, we talk about this now and like he doesn't even remember it, but for me, it was such a an important thing. But what that did for me was it helped me realize that I had to put together a plan. I needed a plan because I didn't want to just continue to be because, I mean, I didn't have a money problem. I definitely didn't have a money problem. What I had was a problem controlling of my time, and also I realized that the the identity shift that was that had to happen for me, it happened in that moment, because my identity really wasn't just being a corporate person, someone who could provide it was it was being father, it was being aligned with the values, like things that were really important to Me, like being present on my child's birthday when I could now and don't, don't get me wrong, there are certain types of roles where you have to be at your job and you can't do this like that's not the case. I'm talking about the high achievers that are choosing to be in other places because it goes in line with what you believe to be your identity. You're giving more time than even the company will ask you for. You may not say it out loud, but you and I both know the truth. Many times it's not even the company that asked you for it. It's you saying that you want to prove your worth, and by being available all the time, you're proving your worth. That's okay. I'm here, you. I've been there. I'm okay. We can talk about it. Well, actually, I guess I'm talking to you. You're listening, maybe you're smiling, maybe you're not. I have no idea, but you can relate to what I'm talking about. And so when I put together this plan, and this exact same plan that I share with others today, I just wasn't I wasn't going through it in a way that I really knew, like now, this is a plan that is helping others to do the exact same thing, and it's a very simple three step plan that helped get me out of of being stuck in that moment that I was stuck in. It was, number one, I got absolutely crystal clear on what it was that I wanted to do and why I wanted to do it. I got crystal clear on that, quantifiably crystal clear on that. And then afterwards my role. I knew what my role was, and that was one of the big providers and able to help me and my family have the things that we wanted to be able to to do, the things that we wanted to do in in part B, the people that we wanted to be, but not, not as extreme as things got to be right. And so what I realized is, yes, that the career wanted to be able to lock in that career, continue to excel in the career, and just do it in a way that was much more aligned with my values, much more aligned with what my life priorities were, not always having the company's priorities over my life. But then I realized that I became a much better employee. The company got so much more out of me once I was aligned with myself. And then lastly, learning how to have control, not just over income, but also over the use of time, the one and most important asset, the one that everybody gets the exact same amount of 168 every week. How are you administering those hours? I got crystal clear. I made sure that I was continuing to excel in my career, and I began to learn how to take control over creating predictable income, as well as over my time, employing my time in the way that made the most sense for me. And got to the point where you. Yes, I put this plan together and continued to work. And after getting started, I was overthinking, because I am a recovering perfectionist, and I realized that I had those tendencies. And it took me eight years of working and doing a lot of work, but the first four of those years got me to the next four and the next, the last four years of my corporate career, I did not need my paycheck. My identity was clear. I was in the places that I wanted to be when I needed to be there. I learned how to even more effectively delegate trust others at work, being present when it meant the most, and being very strategic about the way that I was leveraging my time so that I was present in those places that made the most sense for me and for my family, also for my employer. And then when I was able to do that in the orders, in the alignments, with my values, with my with my system, then it worked best for everyone, and so more than the income, what I realized and what it took for me and why I'm sharing it with you, because I truly hope that you don't have to get to a point where something really just emotionally upset you, because now you're hearing, you're listening, you're taking on this activity, and you have the opportunity to leverage and use your time much more effectively than I was using mine, because you have access to technology like this, and by being able to recognize that I could control my time, that I could be where I wanted to be, with whom I wanted to be, when I wanted to be, that helped to make the shift in me so that I got crystal clear on my identity, the identity that I was walking into, who I am today, and so none of that was tied to being completely available to everyone all the time. It was being able to recognize that. Yes, these are, this is the asset that I want to use. These are the boundaries that I'm going to set, and these are, this is the life that I'm walking into. And so I want the same thing for you. I don't want you to have to go through a painful event to recognize the identity that you have. But that painful event, yes, it absolutely changed my identity forever. I just don't want you to have to go through the pain. And so if you know someone who continues to struggle, that they know that they want to have much more control over their time, that they want to be able to walk into and truly claim their identity, made it really simple. You can even find it in the show notes. All you need to do is go to make it optional.com. You can find there the proven process that I went through that other corporate, big company executives are going through today, senior leaders, VPS, top sales executives, senior directors. I know you're living in a bubble. You know you're living in a bubble, and sometimes you're stuck. I don't want you to be stuck inside of that bubble. I want you to enjoy the bubble. I want you to be able to help you navigate through that bubble so that you get the best of both worlds and you're truly walking into the identity that you will own and feel comfortable in. And if that's not you, if you know someone who's struggling, share today's episode, and then go beyond sharing, show them that you care. Get on the phone, talk to them, meet for coffee, talk about what I've talked about in this episode. Go from theory to practice, because that's where you begin to build the true expertise. If you want to get in touch, you also know where to find me on LinkedIn all the time. Love to connect, love to chat with you, and while you're doing that, guess where I'll be. I'll be right back here preparing for the next episode. So until then, go ahead and make it a great day. And thank you very, very much.

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